Angry @ fakeness (1st hi5)

UGH! AZI E PRIMA ZI CAND SCRIU U(I)N JURNAL - Apr. 04, 2006 at 08:18 PM

...sorry for whoever wants to read this and then realizes it's in English, despite me being Romanian... I am no less of a Romanian if I am not writing in Romanian... it's not like I show off my English skills... I guess I am just too much of a world citizen. You can go ahead and hate me for losing my Romanian hood but you'd be idiots, b/c I am still Romanian, and you can't do anything about it, besides bitch inside your little minds.

For some reason this evening I decided to start writing a journal... I think the reason is hate. I've always seen journals as absolutely useless pieces in people's lives... time consumers... hinderers of development (I don't even know if that word-combo exists... from now on, I will not apologize, for any miss-spellings, nor for any made up words... USE YOUR IMAGINATION). However... today I was wondering online, despite the two extended deadline papers that I need to write... And guess what... hi5 comes up... and I start looking through people's profiles, and old friends (actually I am not even sure if they still see me as a friend) pictures, and all that... and there was a shitload of variation... there are so many reasons making people prepare their profiles... it's incredible... anyway... I could only imagine each of your thought processes when you were writing your profiles.... and some of the things I was imagining made me want to update my profile too.... as I started updating stuff... I ran into "favourite movies section" and I snapped. The results you can see in my profile... anger all over. Combined with childish submissiveness (especially when it comes to arrested development, b/c it cracks me up)... you may wonder anger against what?? Well... I DON'T FUCKIN KNOW... had I known, I would've addressed it... but I have no clue... I guess it must be just me being pissed of at how we waste our life not being sincere thinking about how a hat can... get us what we want and need... BRRR! Wrong answer... NOT being realistic about what you really are can't possibly ever bring you full and deep satisfaction and happiness. Why bother to say you like Crash, if it didn't make you CRY for 2 hours? Why on earth say you like this and that artist when you are not able to leave during the finals week and go to his concert/show/gig? WHY THE FUCK SAY YOU LIKE BOOKS, if they didn't make you become someone ELSE!? UGH... excuse my anger... it's just this environment...

I realized what is the different in US life vs. other places in the world... (and by world, I mean Europe from my experience, and South America, Asia, Africa and Middle East from what people/friends say) It's the GRASS.... US has green grass... equally cut... perfect, flawless, no weeds, no bugs, no moles... you sit in the freshly cut grass and it's lovely; it's perfect... nothing crawling on your neck, no dog shit on your pants nor any stings from friggin crazy weeds... oooh... but does the silence get you. OMFG IT DOES! ohoho.... it is SO! DAMN! FUCKING! LONELY! IN THE GRASS... OMFG! and all you can see around you is even more perfectly cut grass...

pffff... it's not like the Europeans don't have their shit going too... racist, Eurocentric mofos. And South Americans have their sentimantally impulsive, and inequalitarian ways... and Africans know everything, including what it means to fuck without a latex, and THEY LIKE IT! And the damn Asians are the cradle of civilization and they work their asses of so they most likely are Asian-centric but I can't quite vouch for that. Anyway... the bigger point is... PEOPLE ARE FUCKING LIMITED! Get the hell out of your damn countries and see the differences and understand them (not that I understand them... I merely see them and get upset for not having enough people that can explain to me WTF is going on around me and with me... UGH!)
All right ... that's about it... my battery is at 13%... I think it's high time I stop.... I am pretty sure, I will never write here again... but who knows. Maybe I will be pissed off another day, and HI5 will make me puke once more... case in which, WORRY NOT! I will puke my obnoxious senseless rant here...


And I can't quite figure out why I write here anyway... I think I almost expect everyone to read it... and I almost expect an answer... but not really... I pretend I don't b/c I am afraid of being disappointed... that no one cares, that I am an idiot... that they(you) will say things I donýt want to hear.... or say things just to say things. And know I will add another of those odd hopeful expectations that show up every time I open my inbox. I almost feel this looks like a scream for attention. It doesn't matter as long as anything that results from it is real. I LOVE REAL!